


To Us, In 2000 Years.

by pinkheichou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, EreFar is my guilty pleasure, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rating May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-04-22
Packaged: 2018-09-17 16:43:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 19,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9333824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pinkheichou/pseuds/pinkheichou
Summary: The moment Levi opened his eyes and remembered a life, so ancient and remote, he realized that he was given a second chance.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arlene0401](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arlene0401/gifts).



> This fic is gifted to [Arlene0401](http://www.archiveofourown.org/users/Arlene0401/pseuds/Arlene0401) who won my fic giveaway last month! She requested a EreriFar Reincarnation AU. Well, the first chapter doesn't have much reincarnation yet, but it'll come in following parts :) 
> 
> Apparently, I don't have a consistent writing style when writing in Third Person's POV. I think I'm still in that phase of exploring my own personal writing style. This time it is very narrative (something totally new to me I guess), so many things written in the first part are what we already know from the manga/anime (both SnK and ACWNR).
> 
> But the next 2 chapters are gonna be better I promise.

During those times in the underground world Levi had to survive in order to live. He got taught and taught himself how to force men to knees that had nothing else in mind than to rob you of all belongings and leave you weapon- and defenseless. However, he realized that there was also something else – nonmaterial – that he knew he wanted to secure just as much as his own life.

The life of his one and only friend he grew so fond of, even though everything had seemed to lead to spiteful rivalry between them when they met for the first time.

Levi and Farlan became thug buddies very late, when both of them already were grown adults, and their first encounter hadn't been the nicest one at all (what even was “nice” in the depths of rotten life and cruel death?). Striking that, depsite of their contradicting thinkings and selfish motives, in the end they became a compatible duo that was feared by most of the people after getting to hear of their crimes and fights where they would equip themselves with an aid that appeared to be more than helpful and was called a 3DMG.

Surviving was everything.

Robbing, fighting, killing, dying. Everything of those could happen any time and as an underground people you had to defend yourself against all of them.

Needless to say that Levi and Farlan did so as well— _together_.

And seeming to be the only person who would stick to the idea of comradeship – not that he had bothered testing that on others –, at some point Levi began trusting Farlan that much that he could even do so blindly when they were involved in fights and had their backs to be protected.

Over the time, Farlan’s life became important to him as much as his own one, and he figured out that it wouldn't leave him unmoved if Farlan were to die in front of his eyes when he wasn't supposed to die yet.

Farlan felt the same, and one day they found themselves intimate and naked in bed; sealing their bond.

Later, Isabel joined the duo and they became the thug trio of the underground world. The girl was aware of Levi and Farlan’s closeness, but wasn't part of it; instead, she saw Levi as a big brother and overall could thank fate that she had found a way to survive more effectively. Three people were stronger than a single one.

Levi saw in Isabel a girl he didn't mind to fight and train alongside with, though Farlan was the only one he let closest to him; physically and emotionally.

Every of their days was the same and yet so adventurous. The most beautiful part of their days was to believe that they were free. Swaying in the air with their 3DMGs, above everyone’s heads was the closest feeling they were granted with that evoked a sense of freedom in their heart.

Of course it didn't feel the same as real freedom, but when life offered them a door to light and liberty, the trio didn't waste a second to take the opportunity.

“I can’t believe it. Can you, Levi?” Farlan turned his face at him, eyes sparkling in anticipation. “Once we’ll fulfill this mission, we can leave this place and start anew in the world above us.”

They were tasked by a shady old man to join the so-called Survey Corps and deceive them, steal a document from Erwin Smith, the Commander.

“I can’t wait to see the sun and all the birds flying in the air!” Isabel exclaimed enthusiastically, eyes flashing.

“Yeah.” was Levi’s short answer, a growl.

They would be able to see the real world soon. If they made it out alive, that is. Even if he would never admit it in front of them, but Levi’s chest tightened at this thought and he was more worried about Isabel and Farlan than he had thought.

As a brother figure, he didn't want to bear watching Isabel get injured in front of his eyes.

As a… lover, he would endure it even less to see Farlan happen the same. Or even worse.

The risk they were taking was high, but they did it anyway. And it seemed that they managed to execute what was asked of them. Getting captivated by the Survey Corps who was more than intrigued in knowing how three little rats from the underground were able to obtain valuable equipment such as the 3DMG had been one of the most difficult parts, for Levi couldn't foreshadow what those soldiers would do to them—how far they’d go.

While he had to silently agree to to get his head pushed down into a puddle of dirt, his heart ceased its mad throbbing as soon as he found out that Isabel and Farlan weren’t hurt severely when being chased and cuffed.

A few exchange of words and insults, vivid acted hatred and seriousness, and the trio was accepted into the Survey Corps.

One step closer to their goal. One step closer to the world they had never got to see before.

To Levi it was one step closer to live a life out of danger and dirt, a world so illusionary beautiful it was hard to even imagine it.

Given that they had to make it out alive.

And so Levi had decided to weigh the burden all to himself and kill Erwin alone. Though he couldn't have guessed that he would receive protests with that.

“Have faith in us.” Farlan told him ontop of a rooftop, beaming a genuine smile at him.

“All three of us will do this together. You don't have to do it alone, big bro.” Isabel’s soft voice and her big grin shone at him, and Levi couldn't find any words to object.

For what felt like the first time there was a little tug upwards at the corner of his lips, and he loosened a bit as he huffed lightly. “Alright. I trust you two.”

Head lifted up, they then fell into a moment of star-gazing, swallowing up the image of the dark night before the day of their accomplished mission and thus their day of freedom.

“It’s going to be alright.” Farlan said to Levi when they had retreated to their barracks. They were granted with a little room for two soldiers; much to Levi’s contentment, though the adverse cleanliness had forced him to an aggressive cleaning session on their first day as Survey Corps soldiers. Farlan lay a soft palm on Levi’s cheek, lingering there as he spoke just as soothingly. “Tomorrow it’ll be over, and then we are free. Just one more day before we can embrace what we've sought for so many years now.”

The frown between Levi’s eyebrows loosened and his lowered gaze rose up and he made eye contact with Farlan. “I want this to be over as soon as possible, but we aren’t allowed to rush tomorrow. Even less are we allowed to be reckless.”

Farlan chuckled faintly. “What do you think are we? Beginners?”

“Shut up, I’m serious.” He pushed him away, growling at him.

Despite of some struggles coming from Levi, Farlan caged him in a tight hug, so endearing, and kissed his lips tenderly. “I’m serious, too.” A whisper so raspy. “Whatever is going to happen tomorrow never forget that I love you. Fight for the things that are important to you. Live, Levi, live. Also live for me because I’m your significant other. Right?”

To this, Levi didn't know how to respond and got slightly irritated. “You’re sounding so annoyingly cheesy.”

Another chuckle. “I’m sorry.” Levi’s head between his hands and eyes roaming the beauty of his face, Farlan kissed him again. This time longer, deeper, more passionate. Levi responded to it rather clumsily, letting himself get led. Next were his neck, shoulder and chest; getting claimed by Farlan’s plumb lips. Clothes were discarded and soon they lay naked on the bed and made love, rough, screaming low cries of lust. Their last time spending their lives as worthless underground people.

The following day a mission was planned and that was the time the trio had planned to kill off Erwin. Everything seemed to go according to plan. They allowed one moment of their time to be spent by looking up to the vast and big sky above their heads when they left the inside of the walls on their horses, but other than that they duly stuck to their plan. Since the Commander had created a formation to avoid Titans the best, Levi and the other two had to reach Erwin’s position before they could even get any close to the fulfillment of their assassination.

At that time they didn't know yet that the heavy rain and dense fog – that were surrounding them at that time – had become the door to death. While Levi proceeded alone with their plan, entrusting Farlan and Isabel his faith in them, he stemmed the mother of nature and ambitioned to execute his killing, no matter what.

That was when everything in his life crumbled. Not having found his target but having come across dead soldiers, urged him to go back to Isabel and Farlan.

What he encountered there was the worst of the worst things that could happen to him.

It hadn't been his first time seeing and fighting a Titan (just a few hours ago he had done the same) and yet Levi wasn't able to free Isabel from the Titan’s grasp, witnessing her get eaten. This was already enough to crush him inwardly, but when he spotted an injured Farlan – _his Farlan_ – getting picked up by the same Titan, he lost control over his body and mind—just rushing forward to rescue him in any way possible.

His chest stung at this sight. Seeing how Farlan saluted him one last time wrecked his heart bloody and broken, made him suffocate inwardly achingfully.

There were lip movements, but Levi couldn't make out Farlan’s last words. And yet right at this time his words from yesterday surfaced his mind.

_‘Never forget that I love you. Fight for the things that are important to you. Live, Levi, live.’_

_‘Live for me.’_

He cried out in pain and wrath, but it was already too late. Those Titan teeth had split Farlan’s body into to halves by his abdomen, the upper one hitting the ground as the beast ate what he could catch with his mouth. As rain was dripping down heavily, intermingling with the scent and liquid of human blood, Levi stood frozen, eyes dead as they fixated the Titan that was looking at him now. The latter grinning inhumanly and growling bestial sounds of hunger, it flashed its eyes at Levi as it came closer to him; slowly but surely targeting him.

The fog had blurred the Titan’s sight, but it was no problem for Levi to approach it and slice part of Titan flesh and cut deep wounds into every spot of it that was in his reach.

Screaming in infinite wrath and uncontrollable madness, attacking the Titan in a way that seemed reckless of him but in reality was sheer skilled and driven by murderous instincts, Levi steered his 3DMG in every way possible to slaughter the Titan to a sliced and snippled mess before his last cut would hit its neck and finish it off entirely.

When he had done so, he froze in place as soon as he sensed ground under his boots, and listened to himself crying for the very first time ever in his life. Little sobs would leave his mouth, sniffs accompanied, as his shoulders shook trembly.

What had happened just now appeared so unreal to him and he wished that it was, but taking another look at the corpses in front of his eyes which faces looked oh so familiar to him confirmed his biggest sorrow he would ever feel.

Their happy ending had been so close, within reach, but in the end Levi doomed himself as fool for thinking he could ever live a life in freedom together with his significant other.

That was why one thing became clear to him.

Levi Ackerman would never ever fall in love again.

* * *

 

For quite a while Levi did live on like that. Having stayed in the Survey Corps, assigned to a Captain, under Erwin’s commands he continued with life and vowed loyality to the Commander whose words and decisions he grew to trust.

Displaying as less emotions as possible in order to not get led by them especially in heated and dangerous battles against the Titans, he did well in his job as Captain. People may have started to call him Humanity’s Strongest Soldier at some point, which for sure should put some pressure on him, but Levi tried his best not to show off any traces of insecurity or doubts in his skills because they had no place in his duty as a Captain.

Fine. Everything was fine.

Until a group of new soldiers, the 104th Trainees Squad, joined the Survey Corps and one particular brunet-headed brat who also happened to be of upmost value to humanity – for he wore a weapon inside him bigger and stronger than any soldier could have thought of – entered Levi’s life and turned everything in it upside down.

Although Levi didn't know at that time that Eren (that was his name) would play a major role in his life and make him feel emotions he had long forgotten. How should he have guessed that when their first real encounter turned out to be Levi’s leg breaking Eren’s face in court. And the funniest thing of all this was the fact that Levi did this to save that loud and anger-driven boy, an order from Erwin, whilst he himself hadn’t had felt any weird when doing that, since he was told to do so.

An apology and a proper introduction of each other later, Eren and Levi appeared to have established a first, solid Captain-soldier-relationship that Levi surprisingly didn't resent as much as he thought. Eren was the exact opposite of him – so hot-headed and loud, angry and reckless – and yet he couldn't get rid of the thought of looking forward to training that brunet—now that Eren was trusted to Erwin and Levi and with that they were in possession of a Titan shifter.

With Eren being a Titan shifter he was given the name of Humanity's Last Hope.

In other words, now that Humanity's Strongest Soldier and Humanity's Last Hope operated together against the Titans, the seemingly hopelessness of the people was banished from their mind’s slowly but certainly—especially after many days and weeks of training hard and Levi staying by Eren’s side, doing the chore of being a good Captain to him and stabilize the boy’s Titan abilities, the Survey Corps gained their first revolutionary victory the moment Eren’s hardening abilities in Titan form were made use of to their advantage, namely sealing the hole in Wall Rose with it.

While everyone had been celebrating their success with cheers, it was Levi who cared more – _the most_ – about Eren. He couldn't quite tell what had triggered it off inside him, but as soon as he saw Eren dropping to his knees on top of the walls, seconds after reconquering Trost District, a weird feeling bloomed inside his chest and his mind told him nothing else than to take care about the blood that was gushing out of his nose right now.

He never believed in being able to show this much… affection again, but since he – Humanity’s Strongest Soldier – was basically the only one who could identify himself with Eren – Humanity’s Last Hope – to some extent, he found himself faster in sympathizing the soldier faster than he would have thought.

Many major differences such as rank, age, and mental maturity distinguished them noticibly, yet Levi hadn't felt any closer to someone else ever before. Not even to Farlan.

And that was why he was afraid.

Afraid of showing emotions that he didn't need to show necessarily. Afraid of letting personal feelings influence his reasonable judgement—most importantly when he was the one in charge of killing Eren if he dared to lose control.

_Levi was afraid of falling in love a second time._

Offering Eren a handkerchief to wipe off the blood didn't help him to get rid of these mixed feelings that were surging into his mind and splattering every spot in his body, biting themselves deep into his subconsciousness and taking the lead.

A glance at Eren first, taking a deep breath then, he realized that the air his lungs pushed out was shuddery.

“Are you okay, Captain?” Eren’s voice sounding off in his ears snapped Levi back to reality and he gave said person a dumbstruck expression, eyes dull and empty, as he got captivated by the emerald colour of Eren’s orbs that were lacking of any fierce and passion right now, for he had used all of his energy barely minutes ago.

“Of course I’m alright.” Levi’s answer came harsher than intended. “What kind of question is that? Look at yourself first. You are the one who needs to take a rest by all means.”

Looking slightly discomforted and hurt by Levi’s crude words, Eren only muttered an almost inaudible “Yes, sir.” as he averted his eyes, a crease of his brows featuring his expression.

Back in their headquarters, Levi completed his reports before he aimed for Eren’s cell after sunset to check whether everything was alright.

What he was faced with, though, was a shaking Eren, crouched down next to his bed, panting hard. As if… As if he was having some kind of breakdown. Since he didn't answer to Levi’s questions, Levi procured himself access to Eren’s cell and in a matter of seconds he was kneeling down at Eren’s eye level, a hand laying soft on his shoulder to not scare him.

Eren’s head jolted up to his touch, and he forced a smile onto his face as he made eye contact. “I’m sorry, Captain. It’s nothing. I’m alright. Just leave me alone for now. I’m exhausted.”

“Exhausted” was surely a plausible reason, but that feeling inside Levi urged him to insist on finding out the truth because it was by far top priority to observe and note any unusual behaviours on Eren that could lead to major changes in the future, which wouldn't always be to their favour.

And Levi wanted to know because it genuinely upset him to see Eren suffer, as he realized right at this very moment. There was no going back anymore, he had fallen too deep into that eternal black hole called love.

“Tell me what’s wrong, Eren.” The way his name rolled off Levi’s lips caused his mind to malfunction for a second as his heart picked up its pace. “Hiding your problem from me won’t help. Sooner or later I’m going to find out anyway.” He shifted Eren’s body by his shoulder, so that they were looking at each other properly. Levi may be the best at looking intimidating with piercing glares, but Eren could tell that right now he was attempting to give him a empathetic look. It made his heart flutter; something he had told himself to never ever feel again because his feelings were hopeless and just a waste.

“Was there ever a moment where you felt too overwhelmed by the fact that you are Humanity’s Strongest Soldier?” Eren tried to explain himself, head sinking.

“No.”

Eren’s chest tightened, upset, and the pressure weighed him down even more.

“But that’s because I’m used to it.” Their eyes met again and this time Eren saw a different Levi reflecting in the grey of his eyes. “I’m used to controlling my emotions and separate them from my duty as Captain.”

Eren bit his bottom lip anxiously, and that familiar furrow of his brows was back. “I know… I know that, as a soldier, I have to keep a cool head and concentrate on what is demanded from me now that I have that special ability. I’m sorry, but for one second I couldn't hold back anymore.”

“It’s alright. This is probably a sign that you haven’t lost your human side when growing up to a soldier and fighter.”

Irritated, there was a vague thought gnawing at Eren’s mind and he was too afraid to spit it out, but in the end he did, though with much uncertainty. “Do you think that…? No, Captain Levi. You as well are still human.”

“Heh. Who knows…” Those words escaped lazily and without much emotions.

“You are human.” Eren nodded his head eagerly as his face came closer to Levi’s, his voice narrowing down to a husky whisper. “Don’t think that you are reduced to a Titan killer machine with no emotions. Because I know that you aren't like this. I’ve always wanted to see your human side and see you warm up around your soldiers a bit.”

Before either of them realized it, Eren’s lips already met with Levi’s, enclosing both mouths to a tender kiss. Whilst Eren’s eyes were closed, Levi had his widened noticibly, feeling as though his death was declared right thenand

Eren didn't pull back yet, didn't seem to bother that his doing brought grave consequences along that could embody as all kinds of punishment for him. His lips as soft as dawn sunbeams shining to awake flowers from their slumber, Eren’s tongue moved and prodded at Levi’s lips.

Still dazzled from Eren’s sudden attack, Levi stood stiff and waited for the soldier to cease his intimate act.

When he did as Levi hoped for, he retreated his face slowly and Levi heard and felt his breath ghosting over his lips.

It took a while until Eren opened his eyes, staring at his Captain while eternal dullness consumed the greenish colour of his eyes. There was no hint of any emotion or reaction planted on him, hence Levi couldn't figure out why he kissed him in the first place.

Though, inwardly he didn't deteste Eren for that, he didn't know why. Even less could he explain to himself why suddenly feelings were visiting him that craved for more, his eyes were fixating nothing else than that one brunet in front of him right now.

Eren wasn't merely a soldier to Levi. He was…

“Do it again.”

A hoarse whisper and hard to hear, his voice as dry as his lips that wanted to feel those wet, plumb lips on his again, being kissed swollen.

Eren reacted like any soldier would after kissing their superior, as if he had prepared himself for the apology. “I’m sorry, Captain! I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. It was a slip. I’m all mixed up and tired right now, I don’t know what I’m doing.” Head dropped, he didn't dare meeting his gaze that would most certainly watch him deadly, mentally ready to break all of his bones.

Him responding like that annoyed Levi more than Eren following his order without batting an eye, and he doomed himself forced to break through his barriers and demand the thing he shouldn't ask his subordinate for.

It took him some efforts to push the forbidden words out, trapped in his throat at first and sounding utopic when finally uttered. “Oi, didn't you listen. Do it again.”

“What?”

Utterly confused, Eren’a face was drowned in disbelief, silence tainting the air as irritation triggered off by awkward nervousness edged Levi to spat the next words at that innocent, young brat who had no real clue what exactly was happening right now.

The words swelled up Levi’s throat dryly. “I told you to do it again.”

Eren looked as if he was facing an animal which language he couldn't understand, brows knitted together but they loosened when he realized that Levi was brutally serious.

And then he didn't have anything else in mind than to comply keenly.

His lips smashed on Levi’s roughly, the latter didn't seem to mind that rough act because he himself didn't waste any second from then on to respond to the messy kiss and press his body against Eren; indulging in his forbidden desires.

Between heavy pants and slick sounds coming from their wet and greedy mouths, rustling clothes sounded off and were torn apart from the bodies, a nuisance in Eren and Levi’s eyes.

Despite of the fact that what Levi was doing here right now was wrong on so many ways and levels – which he also was very well aware of – Levi couldn't stop himself. Didn’t want to.

After what felt like eternity to him, a feeling of cozy closeness and feathery fondess finally visited him again, tingling inside him and blossoming a whole new juvenile age of purity. That Eren actually did something to him like kissing – and, hell, apparently it wouldn't keep at it – boosted Levi’s inner egoist, and he silently agreed to his inner self that told him not to stop.

There were three major reasons why this was wrong. One, Eren Yeager was under his, a Captain’s, protection and his subordinate on top. Two, Levi told himself not to fall in love again. And last but not least, Levi mustn't do this because actually the only one he had such like feelings for was Farlan. At the mention of his name in his mind, he got reminded again that he loved someone who was long gone and remembered by no more than one person. That person had found himself in an unbearable struggle. Levi shouldn't allow Eren to do these things with him and yet he was the one who tugged that said guy to his own bed, more than half of their clothes peeled off already.

There was nothing else that felt better than this here right now. And Levi didn't want to end it yet.

Eren, however, was glad. Happy. Content. Blissful and overwhelmed. He didn't think of any consequences for the thing he and his superior were burying themselves in anymore, and neither he had the urge to stop with their love act anytime soon. Finally he had found someone who gave him the feeling of not being inhumane. Or a tool. Or a monster.

At least that was what Levi had evoked inside him just now because that had also been the reason for Eren’s unexpected kiss. The thought of sharing his insecurities and burden and pressure with someone who wasn't in the exact same position as him but had still outstanding duties – compared to an ordinary veteran – gave Eren validation and approval.

He wanted to be intimate with Levi and shower him with all kinds of affectionate touches and kisses because he deserved it. He deserved it and Eren wanted to be the one giving him everything of himself. Devoting himself to Levi and branding his love into his skin like a burn mark.

“Is everything alright?” Eren was hovering over Levi’s body, hands placed carefully next to the side of Levi’s face, illuminating emerald looking down at the pale raven’s face that was wettened by two streams of tears. They were naked and Eren was in the middle of fulfilling his act of pleasure and love, his length engulfed by Levi’s inner warmth, but right now he doubted that he was giving any pleasure to Levi at all. “I’m sorry.” He said this out of the blue, not thinking much about. Not knowing why exactly he was apologizing to him, Eren had spoken out these words and now they couldn't be made undone anymore.

Levi hadn't realized that he had been crying silently and he cursed himself for showing pathetic weakness in front of one of his soldiers.

 _This is what you get for breaking down your own barriers,_ his mind told him, _why are you letting yourself get vulnerable again?_

Levi wiped off the tears and blotted out the voice in his head. One shuddery breath later, he said, “I’m fine. Keep going. Don’t mind my ridiculous tears.”

“I can’t go on, knowing that something is bothering you.” With suave fingers, Eren caressed Levi’s cheeks, tracing the dried trail of tears. Pain reflected on his facial features like a curse, not faltering, and his chest bled tears of blood that pumped through his veins anxiously.

“Why are you always making me to have to repeat myself? I told you I’m fine.” Before Eren could object, one hand of Levi’s had reached up for Eren’s neck and pulled him down, their lips meeting in another kiss, this time a more loving one. As Eren’s worries and doubts vanished to a forgotten place, he embraced Levi back and synchronised with Levi’s lip movements, clouding his mind with the satisfying feeling of being worth enough to be loved.

That night didn't stay as a slip or a one-night stand. Eren and Levi did become somewhat a couple – keeping it as much of a secret as possible for obvious reasons – and loved each other dearly. Eren found in Levi something he lacked off and needed to feel secure, whilst Levi accepted that he had found someone significant to him and he didn't want to fail protecting him this time.

Whether dead or not, Levi’s love for Farlan didn't die off, but he also loved Eren and sometimes he’d dream of being together with both, but since that was impossible, he decided to not waste much time on that thought.

Nevertheless, the task he had given himself was more than difficult. Performing a flawless Captain-soldier relationship in front of the others, treating Eren the same as before, not revealing any signs of love, kept Levi strained and occasionally frustrated. Therefore, he looked forward to spending time with Eren when they were alone in his office. All the touches and hugs and kisses restored his calm and collected attitude. Levi yearned for Eren when Eren’s finger merely enclosed Levi’s hand and his head tilted into Levi’s neck. Enough to bring Levi to despair, and they would make love practically every time.

Levi’s and Farlan’s relationship lasted for a couple of years.

However, Levi’s and Eren’s relationship didn't survive for more than a couple of months.

During their ruthless battles against the Titans, realization hit Levi hard and he realized fully for the first time what he had agreed himself to. Of course he'd have to witness Eren getting injured and bleeding to death as he’d lie on the ground stilly, arms and legs broken and gear dysfunctional. Of course Levi would make his way to Eren and save him from the nearing Titans that had already set their eyes on their prey, laying semi-unconscious there. Of course Levi wouldn’t pay much attention to his own surroundings because all his eyes could take in was the sight of an helpless Eren needing to be saved. Blinded by love, Levi became reckless and prone to get attacked, and he noticed too late that a Titan had been not so far away from him and slapped him to the ground.

Levi met the hard floor with his side, rips breaking and some of them even piercing through his vital organs. He groaned in ache and spit out blood, his breath hitching. Even then all he could think of was to save Eren, even if it meant for him to die. It took him quite a while until he realized that Eren was laying right in front of his eyes, head laying on his right side so he was able to look back at Levi. His eyes were opened, but Levi couldn't tell whether Eren was still alive or not.

As more blood flooded out of his mouth, Levi used his right arm to reach for Eren’s hand slowly, the more he stretched his arm the worse it hurt him and his body was crueless when it sent waves of excruciating pain through his body to indicate that Levi should better stop moving when it was no use anyway.

But Levi ignored all signals of his body and went on, his breathing quick and unhealthily uneven.

The shallow green eyes that he thought were watching him lifelessly, moved ever so lightly and caught tears when Eren understood what both of them had gotten into. Their deaths weren’t that far away anymore, yet Eren and Levi found it important, _a necessity_ , to grasp each others fingers one last time.

Now two different hands were longing for each other and as they came closer, Levi witnessed how Eren mouthed his name. To this, Levi broke internally. Their fingers hooked and they silently cried out their last seconds of life and love, Levi denying that this was the end, but it did end right there and right then. He was the first one to be picked up by a Titan and while his eyes didn't switch from Eren’s figure at any time, the last thing he got to see was a screaming Eren as his body was picked up as well.

Levi didn't die when the Titan's mouth tore his body to pieces, life already left his body in the Titan’s grasp where his ribcage was crushed and a sharp, broken rib bored a hole into his heart. Eren on the other hand got eaten piece by piece.

In his last seconds, Levi pitited himself because of how miserable and pathetic his life had been. The worst of all things was how it had ended just like this, in vain, and he couldn't change it anymore.

* * *

 

The moment Levi opened his eyes and remembered a life, so ancient and remote, he realized that he was given a second chance.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *three months later* Guess who's back lmao
> 
> First thing to do is apologize to Frau, my giftee. I'm soooooo sorry that it took me three months to write the second part. I know you won't forgive me for making you wait this long, but I hope (the ridiculous length of) this chapters makes up for the lack of updates. At the same time I can't do else than laugh at myself because despite of the length, this chapter doesn't even cover _half of the plot_ I had actually planned lol. Which is why the second part of it will be posted next. That's also the reason why I changed the fic from a three-shot to a four-shot (I'm sure such a word doesn't even exist)
> 
> To all the others: Enjoy 14k words of... idk?? Some things happen and most of it is... describig Levi's, Eren's and Farlan's life ?? But don't worry there is EreFar......... and Levi angst :)))) 
> 
> Tho don't you dare skip any part bc you think they don't seem to be important or interesting. Don't do it or else you won't understand shits.
> 
> (I noticed that this fic made me write a certain way that I'm not really familiar with so far. Everything is so... _narrative_ and I don't know whether to hate that or find it okay. Well whatever)
> 
> Anyway enjoy!

Levi's life was given a second chance. His first one being expired. Distinct.

However, it took two decades of his life time before he regained memories of a life he used to live in a time that was no more than extinguished history.

Some relations stayed the same and heaved up pallid dejà-vus in Levi. Apart from the difference that, at the age of 20, his mother was still alive (and this time not a whore), her role as his mother was the same. A single mother. There hadn't lasted any memory of his father in his mind, but frankly speaking Levi had not the desire to know much – _anything_ – about him. Just like this, he was quite content. Also, there was uncle Kenny as well, who however was a mystery and a dubious shade in person and the kind of people you didn't know you were despised or appraised by. He never harmed Levi in any way, though.

In other words, Levi’s life was pretty plain.

He went to kindergarten, grade and middle school and graduated from high school with pretty good grades. He had been satisfied with his efforts in high school and his mother had been proud of him as well.

Out of lack of interest in other things (and the sheer convenience of the major at hand), Levi had opted for studying Economics and specialized in home economics. What he wanted to do afterwards was still a big question mark. As long as he had some study to do right now, he was fine.

He had a few friends to hang out with (surprisingly, none of them had been one he knew from his first life; but at the same time he wouldn't recognize them, even if they were), he shared his living together with his mother because he pretty much disliked the idea of living with people his age – university students – who were by far not as clean and keen to keep a house upright as he was. Dorms were a nuisance and so was living together with people who could barely call themselves adults since they’d often tend to behave rather like pubescent teenagers.

Levi’s life, with no memories of his past life, was ordinary… and boring. Not that he had another choice, but when there wasn't something grazing his mind and keeping him busy at unusual times, he had to live a dull life where he couldn’t tell whether to complain about it or not. After all, he didn't know it any else.

And yet, when he started to remember; when it welled up in his mind like a wildfire, it became clear that Levi wished it had never happened. Though, he wouldn't wish for that right away. Of course not. Finding out about it was a spectacular event in itself.

Levi remembered it very well. That day when past memories struck him like an explosive flint; wrecking his bodily functions temporarily.

It happened all of a sudden and in a moment when one wouldn't have expected it at all. At the age of 20. Occured during a phase in Levi's life where he was still inexperienced, oblivious and barely capable of dealing with all kinds of responsibilities as a student.

It was after dinner and Levi was helping out his mother with the dishes. As he was about to pick up his own plate to place it into the kitchen sink, he froze. As though someone controlled his mind and body from the outside via a remote, Levi stood still and silent.

And then it happened.

Every memory of his first life flooded into his mind, flashed in his mind’s eye and overwhelmed Levi brutally. From one moment to the other he was faced with images of people he had never seen before, so he thought, but who were persons time had long forgotten. Levi saw slums, soldiers, and giant monsters. Titans.

Erwin, Hanji, Mike. The 104th Trainee Corps and his own Squad. And among all of them were...

"Levi?" Kuchel wondered, giving her son a questioning gaze, head tilted to the side. Levi's freeze and fraught face that distorted dread appeared extremely strange to her. Levi rarely wore expressive looks, so watching his face falter this strongly made her worry. Which was also the reason she attempted to get through to Levi's mind a second time. "Levi? What's wrong?"

A mess. His head was a total chaos. Violated mercilessly by memories of pain and suffering and death. Making him remember that he used to witness people he was close to die a horrifying death.

Two of those deaths were the ones of Farlan and Eren, he eventually remembered.

Farlan... and Eren...

"I—..." he choked out that one letter, and felt like his breath giving up on him. His lungs seemed to blaze, and it made it harder for him to breath.

By now, seeing her son in such an eerie state, Kuchel had already surrounded the table to approach Levi and hold him in his arms. To ease him from whatever kind of hypnosis he was in and talk reassurances into his ear.

Before she could even extend an arm to him, Levi backed up; all of a sudden, and almost subconsciously. He was still captivated in his own cage of sorrow that was created in that prior span of a few minutes. His legs appeared to be the only part of his body to work decently. Then, very slowly, followed his lips and he said, "I'm going to my room. Need to be alone right now." with a very cragged voice. Soulless, lifeless and abandoned.

He trotted with lethargic steps up the stairs, shoe soles scruffing over the floor, head hung low and arms bounced against his sides here and there, indicating any movement. As if he was tied to some threads and controlled by an outsider, Levi couldn't see in himself any more than a marionette being played with so daintily when in reality he was rotting from the inside piece by piece.

His life… _His original life_ had never been the same. Had never been this dull; never been this peaceful.

And his current life didn't consist of two dear people he used to loved back then and that love was present even now. They weren't here with him, blessing his life to eternal happiness.

When Levi reached his own room, his back pushed back against the door, shutting it, and in a matter of seconds he was already sliding down the door, butt meeting the floor first.

That time was when it happened. A gush of emotions overwhelmed him, relentlessly, and he was brutally forced to release tears. They came out in a constant, crude flow and Levi was a poor victim to it.

Those were tears piled up from many decades that were held back up until now. Levi cried out 2000 years of forgotten pain and sorrow and suffering. Most importantly…

He cried off tears for two persons he’d never ever see again and yet his returned memories had mended exactly that craving into his heart. From now on blood would be pumped through his heart valves without being reminded of who Levi missed. Who he was without Farlan and Eren. And who he could never be; namely a fulfilled human being.

Approximately an hour later Levi’s tremendous sobbing and frantic shaking and abonimable choking on tears had mostly ceased, leaving himself behind as a shallow shell of flesh and blood and no feelings. For a while he even forgot where he was and what he had done before his other life had decided to crush him like a bitch and force itself upon him.

But Levi did remember that afterwards – when he had found the strength to stand up and go back to the kitchen again – he had straightforwardly gone to his mother and hugged her. Just hugged her tightly, silent, and while Kuchel had wondered the sudden change of her son’s behaviour, she didn't mind his embrace at all and played along—just as silent and with a sweet smile grazing her lips.

A smile so sweet, a smile Levi had never seen on her before in his previous life and that was why he was doing this here right now. Since he knew now what he and his mother had to go through, especially with Kuchel dying on him when he was a child, Levi didn't want history to repeat itself. And before that point were to be reached, he’d grant his own mother with all kinds of affections, so that at the very least he knew that he had been able to be a good son and his mother a good mother.

“I’ve probably never told you this, but I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, mom.” Levi eventually whispered into Kuchel's ears, voice croaky and clawing rawly at the walls of his throat.

Kuchel giggled. “That’s really nice of you, dear. But where does that come from? Is something the matter?”

“No. I just love you so much.” Even if this was half a lie, Levi felt it was the right thing to say. Because, technically speaking, nothing had changed in his life—at least not physically. So the fact that he was owner of plenty more, _horrendous_ , memories from then on didn't count.

When Levi graduated from university he decided to open up a tea shop.

~~~

Eren Yeager. Peculiarly stunning. Short tempered. A mess of obnoxiousness and hot-headedness. A storm in the wide, calm field. Wherever he was the air around him would steam thickly. People noticed his temperamental behaviour just from looking at him.

Eren was never meant to be a person with rational behaviour. Starting _even from kindergarten_ he stood out with his loud and stubborn behaviour. However, he was a righteous person, though his ways of forcing up fairness between strong and weak people were graced by very quirky methods. Kids knew him as the raging one. Full stop.

It went on like this during grade school times too, but it wasn't like Eren was bothered by that extremely. He never really cared about how other people thought of him. It had been Eren’s destiny to be strong-willed.

No matter how much they heard about him, saw of him, realized about him, no one of them would ever find out that Eren wasn't the same as the others his age; or people younger or older than him.

He was not normal in a way because he bore knowledge of an age that had wasted long ago. There were 18 years of memories and images in his head that he had once experienced with his very own eyes and it did things to Eren he couldn't describe it with words. At the very least, these memories defined him. Formed him to a person with personality, as if someone was touching warm, flexible wax and deformed it to something else. But it wasn't like he was some play dough whose being could be altered and manipulated whenever fate felt like it. No…

Once that wax of Eren was firm again his life was absolute and no spot could be warped anymore; it was irreversible.

Eren had changed aa soon as those memories were sealed into his brain. He couldn't even weigh whether he had had them since the day he was born and could think, or if they had formed him much later at some time when he wasn't self-reflecting heavily enough to notice that he was given images that would haunt him until the last of his breath—it didn’t matter whether he wanted it or not.

Nevertheless, it was during middle and high school that Eren’s mind could recall his previous life so vividly and sometimes they had simply been a bug to him. Most annoying during History lessons when the Titan era was discussed.

Eren would never forget that day in 11th grade where he once got an anxiety attack because of the events that were rendered by his history teacher. He hadn't wanted to hear it again, he knew – he used to feel it with all of his five senses! – how awful it had been living around the time man-eating Giants (the so-called Titans) had threatened humankind to extinction. He had shed blood to fight them, found out that he was one of them, and died a worthless death being eaten by one of them.

Apart from that, there had been so many times where Eren had also wanted to cut off the teacher’s speech and tell his version of the events at hand because he certainly possessed 18 years of valuable source of information that no one else could have and they were by far more reliable than any other delivered stories about the Titans. Yet, he would always refrain from standing up against the lectures. If he had decided to rebell, it would have been a matter of a few days until he’d have become the school’s weirdo.

Sometimes shutting up and swallowing down certain things was wiser than proving a point. And that was something Eren could figure out, although he wasn't the smartest when it came to keeping raging emotions out of situations that needed a functioning analytic head. Armin would be the more suitable for that.

Armin…? Armin Arlert. Of course he wouldn’t suppress the memory of his best friend from his other life because in this one he didn't know someone named Armin. And Mikasa was also a person foreign to Eren. There hadn’t been anyone in Eren’s life (apart from his parents) who he had known previously. They were all strangers to him and yet there had been moments where he would get reminded of his old friends. His occasional fights with others brought back memories of him and Jean, also because there was a guy who had the same nasty attitude as Jean. Eren had made friends with people that resembled Connie, Sasha and his other friends. Eren remembered all of them by meeting people showed similarities with how they were acting. But in the end, they were different.

And in the end Eren was alone in this world.

It stung in his chest, like a spike picking at his heart excruciangly, when knowing that, with his memories, there had also come feelings for a certain raven he would never ever met in this lifetime.

It hurt. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt, and Eren wanted it to cease. He wanted to stop achingfully loving that person. He wasn't real after all! Died two thousand years ago and was no more than mentioned briefly in history books.

He loved Levi. He had loved him when they had both been alive and living a life in togetherness, but Eren didn't want to bear it like this.

It was unfair.

 _I don't deserve this_ , his inner self would hammer the inside of his skull whenever the images were flooding over and taking every fiber of him, making him apathetic.

Despite of everything, Eren had to move on. And he did, somehow, and it was good that he did since it was after entering university that destiny was played to him.

Eren selected graphic design as major and was pretty satisfied with that decision of his. He didn't quite know yet what he’d do after graduation, but he was certain there would be some opportunities waiting for him once he had his degree.

At his university, Eren found new friends and stayed overall the same. Unlike before, he did seem more matured and acted like one. In other words, Eren had become a _mature_ impulsive person. His pubescent raging phases were gone and now he mostly kept himself under control—with a few exceptions. But they weren't worth to be mentioned. Even Eren himself had found them ridiculous.

His university life was actually nothing special. He had come to learn to not let himself get caught up by his past life so much during his studies, which worked greatly so far because the work required for his courses distracted him enough not to waste time or thoughts on things that were based entirely on mental images.

However, some abnormalities had occured in Eren’s life as a casual university student and even though _he_ himself couldn't tell what exactly the cause of it was, it was pretty clear that Farlan had been the trigger.

It was in the morning on a Monday, shortly before first period would start, that Eren entered the building of his university, heading for his class, usual as ever. The hallways were crowded by masses of people, since everyone needed to reach their own classes before the bell would announce the start of their first period. Hurried footsteps here, rushing students there, hectic everywhere and yet Eren didn't seem to be affected by that at all. He strode with his own tempo and didn't let hurry get him. Instead of taking in much of his surroundings and the hushed figures moving around him (some even bumping against him which actually irritated him, but he tried not to get heated up over something as little as this), he was captivated in his own little world, listening to one of his favourite artists as the world’s time passed by.

Eren listened to his music. Intently, dedicated, and intimate.

Until a certain feeling had his head jerk up.

His afore closed eyes dashed open in an instant and Eren’s mind was sent to the here and now. For one second all students around him moved in slow motion, as if Eren was trapped in a shallow vortex of a different dimension of  time and space. His heart pulsed hollowly in his ears, blood speeding through his veins sounded like buzzing bees and his muscles felt as stiff as ice momentarily.

It lasted for a mere second, though, and then Eren’s body quaked to move and he swiveled around on his heels.

_Levi._

That was the only thought that leapt into his mind right at that very moment.

He could not have known that it had Farlan, someone who had a connection to Levi, that had been the one passing by and so, certain that he had missed Levi walking by, Eren hustled through the mass of people; he had no clue where he was heading in particular, but he somehow just followed blindly the impalpable string that his heart appeared to sense, leading him to somewhere but at the time to nowhere.

As Farlan aimed for his own class, sensing nothing of that mental struggle Eren was going through. It was on last second that they both missed crossing paths. So while Farlan sauntered casually farther, Eren was left behind breathless and confused. He looked like an idiot standing there in the middle of the hallway, still and busy with his own thoughts.

Thoughts like, _What was that just now?_ and _Levi? Is that you? Levi, are you here?_ would occupy his mind and Eren had no other choice than to submit to them.

He arrived at his first class with retardness and with a head scurried in more thoughts and questions than he had ever intended.

Afterwards he spent his lunch time to sneak into the principal’s office, only to get caught and be suspended for the rest of the week. But it was fine. Eren didn't mind because, with his suspension, he also carried the knowledge that there hadn’t been a guy named Levi Ackerman attending this university, which was why he had sneaked into that office.

Just like most likely everyone else, it was around exams week that Eren became stressed. Stressed and frustrated and desperate.

Of course there had to be a subject he didn't understand _at all_ ; of course he had to notice how lacking his overall knowledge of that subject was _two weeks before his exam_. Of course this wasn't a problem at all.

It was a disaster.

“Really?! You know someone who can actually help me with these?!” Eren’s head sprang up in relief, a bright smile starting to widen on his face. It was almost midnight and Eren had been desperately talking to some of his friends in search for a person who would volunteer in tutoring him last minute.

“Yeah.” his friend told him on the phone, “There is someone I know who knows someone who knows someone else, who is two years ahead of us, who knows another one who—”

“Yes, oh my fucking god, I got it! The only thing I need to know is that there is someone who can help me out, right? Right?!” Eren’s fingers gripped hard around his phone, shaking, and he had his teeth clenched as he fidgeted for an answer that would please him enough. Since he didn't want to fail that class, he had to rely on any person who might be a possible help to get him out of his urgent emergency.

“Yes, he will help you. He’s a senior, in his last year.” So he was the exact opposite of Eren who was still a freshman. “He says he will gladly help a poor thing like you to—”

“You could have spared me from calling me like that, asshole.” Eren huffed out, eyes narrowing.

“Well, he remembers that he used to master that exam easily. Unlike you, you are almost crying over it.” Eren’s friend chuckled, amused.

“Fine, it isn't funny anymore. Just tell me everything I need to know for our first meet. Who? Where? When?”

“Farlan. Library. Tomorrow, at lunch break. Have fun.”

His friend could not have ended the call with a more ridiculous line than the last one.

“This won’t be any fun!” Eren cursed under his breath, tossed his phone onto the bed and plumbed down next to it, sighing gruffly.

At least he hadn't had to worry about failing this class completely.

Eren didn't know what it was that began to bloom shyly in his chest when he had reached the library door the next day on lunch break. As soon as it had appeared, he opted for not giving it any more attention, rather dismissing it. However, it was sheer impossible to do so because as Eren approached farther, entering the library and spotting a tall, cream-blond haired guy who appeared to be the only person in question, he faltered.

First he walked to that guy senselessly. Mind shut off, the place surrounding him twisting deliberately and vanishing. It was when he stood right in front of him, eyes locked with the face of that guy, that turned to the side now for he, Farlan, had finally noticed him, that Eren found himself in a numbness.

As though all of his breath was pushed out by a hand dragging oxygen out of his lungs, another pair of hands pressing down on his cheeks to keep him staring straightforward and at the guy in front of him, long arms winding around the whole of his body to plant him to his current position, and Eren had never felt this breathless before. This taken aback, this much forced to stay alive, _this unreal_.

His eyes were wet and he bit down on his lips as he wondered why the presence of someone he had never seen before did these things to him.

 _Levi, Levi, Levi._ His brain chanted in a mantra and part of himself hit against the inner of his body, slammed its fists against Eren’s ribcage, screaming at him to act.

“Hm? Are you Eren?”

And Eren didn't know that he could ever be this close to cry from listening to a voice so unfamiliar to him.

But what he knew – what he had to make sure of! – was that he wouldn’t let this guy disappear from his life so easily. Not even after his exams. That guy who went by the name Farlan.

For a yet unknown reason Eren felt like he needed to keep this person in his life from then on.

~~~

Farlan Church. Smart. Handsome. Cunning. Coolness and calmness in person. Wherever he went he brought a peaceful ease along. The cool, attractive guy who was adored by everyone, boys and girls, for his good lookings and his cleverness.

Except that no one knew what was really going on in his head.

Basically, it was the same as with Eren. Only basically, though. Farlan, too, had been granted with a fate he hadn't known what to do with at first. That the mental image of his beloved one Levi would occasionally roam his mind and throw him back to the good and bad old times was an odd novelty for him. But he learnt to cope with it. He was eager to handle it and live a decent second life, accepting that his prior one had ended in a tragic one, but he knew that mourning and lamenting was a literal waste.

Sometimes he would even allow some memories of Levi and Isabel reach the deepest interior of his feelings and make him vulnerable, but that would only be the case when he was alone, at home, in the innermost of his own privacy. He had to hold up the image of a guy with a collected personality who wouldn't break apart from anything. Farlan believed in that and was eager to secure that part of himself.

Only once did he let himself get truly carried away with his memeories, which made him go as far as to try drawing Levi’s face. Bringing those fragmented and dissected, mingled and cryptic pieces together, outlining them on paper. Crafting a physical picture of the man he loved so dearly—even in this life where he didn't know of persons called Isabel or Levi.

Since he was gifted with artistic talents and was taking studies (majoring in architecture) that dealt with that particular subject primarily, Farlan only had to rely on his memories because the pencil in his hand would know what to do.

Too bad that his mind wasn't on his side.

All Farlan could manage to draw was a raw sketch with outlines of Levi’s bust so faint it looked as if the lines were going to vanish all by themselves soon—no rubber needed.

Farlan stared at his creation, mute as darkness, and sighed. If one knew what Levi looked like, they would recognize the guy on that little white sheet. But that was all. One had to know him, but no one besides Farlan did.

Nonetheless, he couldn't quite explain to himself why the image of Levi would flash his mind very easily on times and yet he wasn't able to draw what was presented in his mind’s eye. It was probably the best if he left it at that and moved on with this discouraging discovery. Of course he wouldn't live on just like that, no. Levi wasn't meant to be forgotten, so he would always carry that incomplete pencil portrait in his jeans pockets. Safe as long as it would stick to Farlan like an encouragement to live.

At times it even seemed as though that little piece of paper had an own will. As long as Farlan carried it with him he wouldn't be able to interact with girls in a flirty way, neither with boys. His mouth would rarely form compliments to impress the other, kisses felt odd to him and after his first time ever he regretted the sex with that girl whose name he’d forgotten after only one day.

He was gloomy and depressed, whenever he tried to establish a deeper bond with another one, so after some attempts and many failures he gave it up completely and decided that it was best if he stayed alone for the time being and probably forever. His heart was occupied by Levi anyway and even if he didn't exist anymore, he at least wore memories of him and that was enough for Farlan to conclude that he was destined to stay single.

Yet, he couldn't know that he was wrong with his assumption. Though of course he couldn't notice that right away when Eren stood in front of him the very first time. While Eren was generously overtaken by his own memories of Levi, Farlan had only experienced a much weaker version of that.

An image of Levi did spring into his mind, yeah, but it had appeared so marginally and felt so casual Farlan had dismissed it as just one of his usual phases.

One of his brows bent up as he observed a trembling Eren who had his face hidden behind his palms, whimpering. His mind mixed its own answer to Eren’s behaviour.

“Hey. It’s okay. You don’t have to worry.” Farlan stepped up to him and placed a hand on Eren’s quaking shoulder. “It will be alright. You won’t fail your exam. I’ll help you. You can do this.”

As his one and only reaction, Eren shook his head weakly, because this was not at all the reason behind his mental disruption. But how should Farlan have known that?

So of course he would also interpret the shake of Eren’s head falsely. “Really. The themes aren’t that difficult actually. The prof didn't teach you the subject clearly enough, I guess. C’mon, cheer up. The exam will be half as bad as you think. I was able to master it, too.”

Their first encounter had surely been an unusual one.

~~~

Levi was setting up a row of different styled tea services on a shelf. When he was done, he viewed the result and felt a twinge of satisfaction prickling at the corner of his lips.

He liked it. He liked how some things turned out as he went on living.

He may not see his two beloved ones ever again, but at the same time he was aware that pitying himself was pointless. At least he tried not to.

So while he had to accept losses, he also attempted to face the other, _better_ , side of the coin. His second life was also a chance for him to achieve the things he couldn't do while he had been a soldier—fighting and witnessing death, all of these happening constantly with no end in sight.

Since there was no real living hell with the way he and other people in Shiganshina lived, no threat of extinction of humanity, he thought it was a good thing if he followed his up until then unfulfilled aims.

He turned around, showing the shelf his back as his gaze swept over the little, cozy room. The room that was all his; his hard work, his wish, his source of glory. This tea shop he owned from today on had become the basis of his pride and everything else was built up on it.

It was located close to one of the main streets in Shiganshina, not too close to the places that were heavily crowded at rush hours, bringing riot along; and not too far in a place that no human soul would even think of visiting.

Just like this, it was perfect.

There was a big shelf that was decorated with tea services, tea leaves, tea pots, and tea bags. Then there came a counter that stood chest-high and presented little tea accessories that were perfect as gifts: little fancy tea bags, porcelain cups, smaller versions of tea bags and one end of the counter had set petite round saucers that were filled with various exotic tea leaves, flourishing the room with a brisk, crispy scent.

The other half of the room was used for some tables and chairs to be placed there. Levi thought it would be a good idea if customers got the chance once in a while to taste tea of their choice first before they’d opt for a brand to buy. But more importantly it was meant for those who had already bought some tea and would like to drink it right there and then. Levi would serve them their cups and they would hopefully be blessed by joy as they would fancy the product they had purchased.

Levi didn't mean for his shop to become partly some sort of a café, but later he would realize that it did resemble one not only in looks, but also the way he performed his work.

Today was the opening of _Levi’s Tea_ ; that’s what he had called this shop. He liked that name.

It was half an hour before opening hour and Levi dwelled on the memory of how he had paid some student (who was in dire of money) to spread some flyers as an act of promoting his shop. Nothing exaggerated, but perhaps people were going to actually consider coming here today.

“So? How is my baby feeling today?”

Levi straightened his head, his eyes flicking over from the parquet floor to soft grey-blue eyes. A colour Levi had inherited from her, but he noticed that his pupils would appear darker and cooler most of the time. Kuchel sparkled a sweet smile at her son. Not even in an empty and still liveless room as the one they were in right now there was something that could blend Kuchel’s beauty. Light filtered through the windows dispersively and dipped her silky raven hair in a beamy radiation as it hung featherly down from her shoulders. Such beautiful raven hair, such pink, pale skin coloured in almost the same porcelain tone as one of Levi’s tea cups, such a pretty face adorned with bright eyes and long pointed eyelashes, a well-formed nose and lips so rosy and soft that every kiss coming from her would trail pure chastity. Levi’s cheeks had been victims to that harmless abuse so many times already.

All Levi did was huff at her, though deep down he was of course really grateful to see her stopping by. “You should have stopped calling me your ‘baby’ more than 20 years ago.”

Levi’s mom chuckled blithely, small crinkles showing off under the corner of her eyes. She had covered her mouth with one of her palms when she gave that carefree laughter. “I know. But no matter how old you are, Levi, you would always be my baby.”

“Can I officially disown you as my mother?” Levi said in his usual dry tone whenever sarcasm left his lips.

Kuchel chuckled again and felt more delighted than ever. Then, she raised the basket that she had carried all the while and tilted her head ever so lightly. “I’m here to wish my son good luck with his tea shop. Also, I think a bundle of flowers would look so beautiful on your counter, don’t you think?” She took out a bouquet of lilies and violas and held it out, smiling youthfully.

Levi regarded the flowers first, pursed his lips and gave his mother a playful disapproving look. “Are you criticizing my sense of fashion?” There was his dry sarcasm again. He sighed out loudly then, pretending to be disappointed. He rolled his eyes. “Mom, you’re so embarrassing.”

The room was filled by Kuchel’s innocent giggle again and she joined Levi behind the counter, taking the freedom to use one of the vases and place the flowers in there. Afterwards, chaste lips pressed a kiss on Levi’s right cheek. He didn’t really mind that.

“Be nice to your customers, okay?”

“I’m always nice.”

“Then be a bit nicer.”

“Tch.”

“Love you. You will do great.”

“Don’t you have a work place to go to now?”

“Yes. But can I buy one of your teas first?”

“ _Mom_. I would rather not have my own mother as my first customer.”

“Fine, fine. I was just joking.” Kuchel pinched Levi’s cheek.

Levi clicked his tongue. “It isn’t opening hour yet, anyway.”

“Right. Okay. Wish you good luck, my baby.”

“ _Mom!_ ”

Much to Levi's surprise (or maybe it was because Levi didn't know how it would usually be when a new shop opened) there had been quite a few people being interested in the new tea shop. Not everyone bought something right away, but some did. Even two of the few friends he had would visit him and support him with a generous tip that Levi was very grateful for. If only Levi’s mother knew about that, she would feel betrayed. But Levi guessed that his friends must have figured out that it was always a tight business for a start-up shop, so any support was helpful. Though Levi didn't view it as tough as that. He was rather calm about it. And at the end of the day, Levi was pretty content with today’s result. He had sold some stuff, a few told him that they would come again and bring acquaintances along. When Levi closed his shop, he called his mother and rendered his day.

Kuchel burst with happiness and was really proud of her son, and Levi had to calm her down because nothing had taken any directions yet. Not that he could convince Kuchel with that since all she did on the phone was continuing with her congratulations and constant reminder that Levi would do more than great with his business. Half annoyed, half amused Levi listened to her breathless chattering and he found it very convenient that darkness had already consumed the skies of Shiganshina because like that no one had a chance to spot that petite smile ghosting over his lips.

Later he noticed that he hadn't been thinking about _other things_ as much as he used to, but it was certain to him that it wouldn’t stay like that all the time. Sooner or later his ancient self would catch up on him again.

Gladly, only a few days later, Levi was able to find a woman who would work for him part-time. Her name was Ellie Rose and she fit so well as an enthusiastc worker in Levi’s tea shop (because one of them had to look happy with what they were doing and Levi was certainly not the one expressing that explicitly).

It took Levi barely a month until he would unintentionally alter part of his business idea. On that day, it was Ellie’s birthday which was why Levi gave her the day off and had even planned to gift her a cheesecake he had baked on his own. So during the one hour lunch break his tea shop would have daily, Levi wanted to visit her and bring his bakery along, however he got a call from her right before he was about to departure, informing him that she caught a heavy cold and was at a doctor’s appointment for a check-up and an attestation that should excuse her from work for the next few days.

Levi understood, wished Ellie a fast recovery and his lunch break ended sooner than usual. Not much later there was already a customer entering _Levi’s Tea_ , approaching Levi who was stood behind the counter, scribbling some notes into his notebook.

“Welcome.” Levi did notice the ring of the bell announcing an incoming guest, the air brushing inside from the door being opened and steps echoing though the room, but neither of these things switched his attention elsewhere than his notebook. Head sunken to the book, eyes focused on the letters his scribbling hand produced with the pen, seeming almost absent-minded, Levi had greeted the customer without raising his head or faltering in his posture any other way.

The guest, a middle-aged brunette woman, didn't mind that. Most of the regular customers grew accustomed to Levi’s _unique_ attitude as a shop owner. Occasional grumpy responses, light glares and incoherent muttering were regular incidents, but they weren't disdained.

“Hello. Can I have one of your Wild Berry Teas?”

“Of course.”

“And I’d like to drink my first cup here. “

“Fine. Take a seat anywhere. I’ll serve you one right away.” It was only his pen that flicked in the direction of the tables, other than that Levi bided in his position, head bent down. His voice didn't lose its nonchalant tone either.

“Oh, and a piece of that cake here.”

Levi’s eyes tore away from his notes now and after giving the woman one hasty glance, he turned his attention to the cake in front of them. Without a stutter or a struggle for words, he clarified casually, “This cake isn’t up for sa—” He halted because a section of his brain had been quick enough to stop his mindless words from spilling before he had even considered possibly taking another path. He figured that there wasn't another idea he could come up with to get rid of that cake right now anyway. Lastly he sighed, inwardly shrugging. “Two dollars a piece.”

The woman smiled brightly and cried happily, “Okay, great.”

That was when _Levi’s Tea_ became a tea shop that had slight similarities to a café because apart from drinking tea one had already bought customers were also given the opportunity to buy some cake that would go with their tea. Which meant that Levi didn't only sell tea from now on but also served those who came by for good old tea and a piece of pastry or those who stayed instead of leaving right after their purchase.

At one point, Levi could enjoy his life as tea shop owner. Although there would always be that gaping hole in his chest that reminded him of two people who had the ability to fulfill his life completely, but he couldn't complain about his situation entirely because he had achieved something he solely could have dreamt of in his other life.

Levi didn't have everything, but neither did he have nothing.

He paid with love in exchange for the fulfillment of his dream.

All he had to face and endure cruelly was the fact that he would never be able to die happily.

How sad that he wasn't aware of those two people living in the same city as him and slowly falling in love with each other.

~~~

“Were you able to do all assignments I gave you?”

Eren looked up from his text book—statics. Farlan had his chin rested on his palm, elbow propped on the table. One perfect thin eyebrow raised, he returned the stare with expectant eyes.

“Yes,” Eren cleared his throat once to swallow down the coarseness, “Here. I have them all with me.” He grabbed his bag and took out some papers that were pushed inside carelessly, edges crinkled. Timidly, Eren slided the papers across the table and toward Farlan. His eyes flicked away from his stare after a moment, and an odd feeling of uneasiness seemingly seeped through his blood. His body underwent a faint goosebump and the tip of his ears felt really warm all of a sudden.

“Did you have any problems with any of the assignments?” Farlan asked, casual, not noticing the change of Eren’s physical state.

They were in Eren’s room, it was late afternoon after their classes, and they both had agreed on working a lot tonight. At least three different topics, no matter how long it would take.

Eren had dumped two cups of coffee already, being incrementally awake, while Farlan had decided against caffeine or any other boosters. His body was working properly and he was fine as everything was, not forgetting that teaching Eren luckily wasn't nervewrecking nor did it require much patience.

Surprisingly Eren and Farlan had gotten closer as friends; closer than they had ever expected. They got along very well and even shared some interests, had many things in common; but the things they had in common and the differences between them (especially personality- and character-wise) measured an amount of harmonic interdependence and coexistence which led to a good relation between them. While Farlan thought of their friendship as a nice thing that should be valued genuinely, Eren found himself in a state where he couldn't explain quite a few things to himself.

Firstly, there was the fact that his feelings had started to play crazy after spending a lot of time with Farlan. Not only was it still a ominous mystery to him why he had reacted the way he did when they met for the first time, but he also registered how the emotional side of him let him act differently in every way whenever he was with him.

There were times where memories of Levi would leak into the active part of his mind and that alone should be enough for Eren to realize that Farlan wasn't doing him any good if his presence did these things to him. However, the exact opposite was the case. Because whenever he and Farlan were together, emotions linked to Levi engulfed Eren, but – unlike the moment of their first encounter – they seemed to side with Eren instead of tearing him apart—the latter being the one that had been much more expected.

With Farlan, Eren was sensing a familiarity he had never experienced before. Being with Farlan, looking at him, listening to his voice, getting to brush his skin with hesitant fingertips when papers were passed, hearing his laugh, even _smelling his scent_ changed something inside Eren until he reached that point that told him that he longed for him; his presence, his touches, his care, his tenderness, his kisses, his embraces and, all in all, his attention.

As if all the enlisted factors added up became a sealing lump that had the power to heal a part of Eren that was achingly reminding him of his love of his life he would never ever meet.

Eren didn't feel like replacing Levi at all. If anything it was the contrary: he had found someone to give him emotional stability and worth.

Being together with Farlan gave him reassurance that there was a way to come to peace with himself. To reconcile with the emotional part of him and handle his memories of Levi and his feelings for him.

Although a tiny piece of himself was convinced to claim that Farlan was embodying a part of Levi in some way, not much thought was given to that because honestly Eren was fine with what he had figured out so far.

With these things said, there was no explanation needed for why Eren gawked at Farlan with noticibly dreamy eyes right now, momentarily suppressing the happenings around him, such as Farlan commenting on Eren’s assignments (all Eren could take in with his stare were the moving lips of Farlan; the lips he wanted to…).

Not necessarily acting like a highschool girl being head over heels in love. Eren’s concept of love had been different anyway, starting from when his consciousness reflected memories of his past life.

Eren couldn't help it. Having Farlan around him planted affectionate feelings inside him; buds that slept in his chest and waited for their right time to blossom. Perhaps they would, if Eren took a step further.

He could _feel_ that Farlan would do him good in every way. Eren wanted him, and he wouldn't regret that decision. It was for himself. And for Levi.

“I hope you understand now where your problems are with this one?”

“Hm?” Throwing himself off his own thoughts when Farlan’s voice eventually penetrated his ear shell and reached deep to his brain, Eren jolted lightly, blinking at Farlan.

Farlan didn't show off more puzzlement than that of one of his brows darting up and down quickly once. He tossed a sheet at Eren over the table as his pointer finger tapped on a particular assignment.

“This one here. You have to be more concrete with this. I think it’s the best if we work through that again.”

Eren’s eyes scanned the paper, but he didn't read the letters. He then shoved that sheet away from him, stretching his arm forward to place it in the middle of the table. Silently he did so while Farlan witnessed that with confusion tainting his facial features more than visibly.

Whether it was the right time or not, Eren sensed his chance right at this very moment and so he wanted to take it. Wanted to try it out and reveal what had accumulated inside him over the course of weeks. He needed to let it out or else doubts and ridiculously made up scenarios of what if’s would plague him at night.

Eren breathed in deeply as he noticed warmth boiling up inside his body, heating up the throbbing of his heart beat and the pace of his rushing blood. Even if he wasn't a shy person by nature, he expected himself to be a bit nervous about all this. “So… the last few days, _weeks_ , we spent together to, you know, study and help me prepare for my exam, I noticed… Well, there are quite some things I noticed about you. After all we became somewhat… friends, right? So it was basically a natural act of me getting to know you better.” His eyes glaring at the ceiling for some time, Eren looked everywhere but at Farlan. It was awkward to him because he had never been in a situation like this before. After a while came the realization that if he fucked it up now it'd be a waste. So he gulped hard once, pulled himself together – clenching and unclenching his fists – and faced him with a serious look. Why wasn't he saying anything at all, Eren wondered. “I like you. No wait… what I actually mean is that I… _like being around you_. It makes me feel safe and comfortable. Maybe it’s just me, but I feel like I can be myself. You probably don’t get what I mean, but it’s true. Around you, I can unfold myself without fear. So in the end… it means I like you. Yeah.” This was the moment that was the hardest for Eren because there was Levi filling his head from the inside and he had to be strong to go on with what he had started now. Stopping midway equalled losing. He bit his bottom lip, wondered for a second where all this earnestness had come from and said after a while with a soft, hopeful voice, “What am I to you?”

Not even now did Farlan falter. As time passed, they found themselves trapped in their own little shell that would break only if they both clarified what it was that existed between them, influencing their emotions.

Over the last few days, Farlan had sensed an alteration in the way he looked at Eren who he got closer to. He had been able to be less restrictive. All three of them – his body, his mind, his memories – had begun working together and let him act him freely on his own. No guilty thoughts of his feelings for Levi, no chaos of emotions that hindered him from feeling some way for the other, no barriers at all.

That it was Eren he could act most liberally in every way didn't leave him untouched.

To Farlan, Eren was special. Special in a way that he thought he needed to be treasured. Taken care of. Appreciated. _Loved._

Clearly, Farlan still found himself at the very beginning of this emotional adventure, but he wanted to give it a try.

If there was one who could make him feel different than usual, all that by solely being themselves, then Farlan should acknowledge that fate and go the path of wanting to try and find out more. Testing out what the future had to give when he spent time with Eren. By all means, he was eager to know what this seemingly ordinary guy could do to him. How much he could make him feel, how much he would be able to fight with his own memories at times. In a way, Eren defined himself as a person who made Farlan understand that he had to let Levi’s memories be—without it being said out loud, Farlan eventually grasped that.

Most likely Eren could be the one – the one and only – who could settle Farlan’s inner turmoil that he had oppressed so hard. Hell, he might even evoke peace between Farlan and his love for Levi which was after all the cause for him not being able to show any affection towards anyone. He couldn't deny anymore that he had been staring at Eren longer and longer as days of their lessons flew by. While he had always told and convinced himself that he did that to check whether Eren was following the content he taught him, now it was more than obvious that Farlan’s staring had more ulterior motives. He had, on one hand, wondered why it was that he could feel less restrictive around Eren, on the other hand he had embraced it and yearned for it to stay longer.

What should he do now though?

With all these things being dealt with in his thoughts, his mind was certainly a mess. But Eren was waiting for a response! There was no other way than that. Farlan’s lips seemed like glued together. His throat tight and his vocal system being lost, oblivion seizing his sane reasoning, Farlan just peered at Eren at first.

The other was probably making theories why there hadn’t come any answer yet, but he appeared determined. He wouldn’t back up before he got an answer.

Part of Farlan thought it was risky to do it. Cheap and ridiculous. But the bigger part of him found it the only suitable option when words would fail him and when he was with someone probably significant to him.

He softly scooted closer to Eren, didn't take his eyes off him, stared into those big luminescent emerald orbs that followed his every movement, but other than that Eren wasn't doing anything else.

He let Farlan get this close to him. Secretely, he wanted that. He wanted to feel him in some sort of way and at the same time he wanted to feel him wholly.

Farlan tipped the underside of Eren’s chin and raised his head. Without wasting too much time or staring longly so that it would turn awkward at some point, his fingers fiddled Eren’s hair and leant in. Their faces got closer, Farlan could feel Eren’s breath clouding over his face before their lips connected to a kiss.

A probing and chaste kiss with Farlan nipping  Eren’s lips, tasting and testing him, and he was relieved that he was easing. His heart pumped regularly, unlike all the other times he had been this close to another person, his chest didn't pinch like a needle poking against skin and he wasn't bothered by his own past self.

Eren rather hadn't expected the kiss, but was quick to play along. He grew to like it from the very first second their lips brushed against each other and he could go on like this for a long while, he thought. His eyelashes fluttered close, hands gripped the front of Farlan’s shirt and a silent moan broke out from his vocal system, noticable only to him. His lips moved in sync with Farlan’s, complementing their kiss.

They didn't go farther than an innocent kiss, even if there was nothing that prevented them from adding passionate ferocity, but when the tips of their tongues grazed each other, Farlan released from Eren’s mouth.

His dull eyes glinted at him, silently.

Eren returned that gaze, though he lowered his head to Farlan’s chest then—where his hands were resting. “Kissing you… and touching you feels good.” His brows crinkled to a frown. He was obviously struggling with words and trying to handle the situation he was in at the moment. Not that he was embarrassed, but even someone like Eren would get rosy cheeks when a person he liked had kissed him. He was very close to just turn his head to the side and avoid any eye contact. Heat was definitely taking over every bloodstream he had. The silence between them was unbearable to him. “Hey, why aren’t you saying anything?” His voice was a nagging, lips pursing, he felt slightly offended.

Hands clasped around his face, taking hold of his cheeks and he was forced to look at Farlan’s face again. So close. Their foreheads were close to touch and their noses had barely an inch parting them.

A pretty smile curved up at the corners of Farlan’s lips. He fancied Eren’s stubborn side that was so cute on him and even if he still didn't know what exactly to say, he just went for it.

“You’re stubborn. Impulsive. Good-willed at heart and always acting on impulse. Trustworthy. People either hate you or like you; there is no in between.”

Eren’s face scrunched even more, forming a glare. “That’s not the kind of answer I was looking for.”

Farlan huffed a breathy chuckle. He pressed his palms against Eren’s cheeks once, causing his lips to jut to a small pout. “You want to know what you are to me? You’re adorable.” Eren flushed exhilaratingly. “You’re the kind of person I want to have around me. Because after all these days… the impression I got from you… is that I’m sure you’re someone who I want to make happy.”

“Wow. First you don’t say anything at all and now you’re spilling over with sappy words.”

“Well, and you don’t seem to know what you want at all. You don’t want me to stay silent, but talking isn’t the right thing either, hm?”

Eren’s lips opened to counterattck, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth again, pouting defeatedly as his stubborn self showed off.

 _How cute_ , Farlan thought.

“Just kiss me again.”

Farlan didn't need to hear that twice. His lips found Eren’s quickly again and this time Eren didn't hold back. He threaded his own fingers into Farlan’s locks and pressed his face against the other’s, lips moving faster and tongues playing wildly.

Both of them could go this far without worries because they got the feeling that what they were doing was what they had always sought.

Growing attached to someone that wasn't and couldn't be Levi without any guilt.

Even after months they weren't regretting the choice they made. Every second they spent together was a second they grew to like each other more and more. They laughed, they hugged, they kissed. They praised each other and, when needed (which had been the case days before Eren’s important exam which he passed by the way) they comforted each other. Their love making ranged from sweet sex to hot fucks, depending on their moods, their needs, and their desires.

The relationship they established seemed special and yet couldn't feel any more natural.

So, practically speaking, one thing was to be expected. It may be that it had been hanging down from over their heads the whole time – like an umbrella sheltering them and giving them safe room where they hadn't needed to worry about themselves and what they were to each other or whether they were enough for the other; because it was based on mutual understanding so Eren and Farlan didn't need to ask themselves these questions.

Despite of everything one thing _did_ reach the surface and forced itself into their minds.

When was either of them going to say it?

It was technically impossible to skip over that.

Wording it out loud, gifting it with a vocal meaning, needed to done—even if their feelings for each other were received and appreciated from both sides, it couldn't be accepted as a matter of course.

They had to do this. They had to step out of their own narrow comfort zone that had ruled over them their whole life, especially with the influence of their previous lives’ memories, and now it was time to fight one’s own demons.

Both of them were aware of it at some point and struggled with taking that step, that much was for sure. Cladded as a tension prickling between them, it had been practically palpable, existent for both, yet neither of them dared it.

But then, on a Friday evening after having watched a movie together while eating self made pizza, Eren rose from his occupation on the couch all of a sudden, turned to Farlan, eyes gleaming furiously with nervousness and anticipation. He didn't shoot upward from his seat just like that. His consciousness had made him do this because part of himself was done waiting. After all these days and moments he had enjoyed together with Farlan, he couldn't hold it back any longer. His mind was close to burst, his joints shook feverishly as words forced up his throat. They violated the inside of Eren’s mouth with flaming eagerness. Only the vocalization of those could bring up peace. Lips pressed to a thin line, hand balling to fists for a short moment, before he took a deep breath, shook off all restraints and confessed in one breath what had been wavering between them the whole time already—but unsaid. “I love you, Farlan.”

To Eren, these words made the world stop in time and motion. Everything else became void and was abandoned to oblivion as the brilliant vibe around him and Farlan grew to something magnificent. He had finally said it, and only that mattered. Breathtaking as it was, Eren lost part of his ability to function properly, reducing himself to a breathing and still mess that needed to hear Farlan’s next words to break off from his trance.

To Farlan, Eren’s confession had caught him off guard. Totally, tenderly, tremendously. His breath was caught somewhere between his lungs and the inner of his throat, numb, a fuzziness blossoming deep in his chest; warm and fond. The timing was unexpected for him, yes, but at the same time he could have been glader that it was finally out. At least from one of them and that it hadn't been Farlan himself didn't bother him too much right now. Those damned words were uttered at least once, and they gave him a sense of positivity that he doubted would ever bless his life. There was no need to hide anymore, no need to lock himself up behind a curtain of agony. He could love, and it didn't hurt him. He was loved, and it didn't hurt him.

He stood up, face expressionless, staring at Eren in silence.

Eren was throwing a scowling, stern gaze at him. His eyes flared up a fire that told Farlan, _Don’t you dare leave me hanging like this. Say something back! Anything!_

Farlan opened his mouth and let out mute words, only his lips moving. It was as though he was having a taste of what he was going to say, testing how they tasted as they’d roll of his lips. Lastly, he took a liking in them. They would sound right. Appropriate. Perfect. Full of infatuation.

He even grinned softly. “Yeah. It doesn't feel wrong. It doesn't feel wrong at all.” He sunk his head to examine his hands which were raised to the front of his abdomen. They quaked ever so lightly, proof that Farlan was feeling something that caused him to be thrilled. It felt right. Farlan didn’t have any struggles. No memories, no voice musing that it was forbidden, _foolish_ , to have those feelings.

Finally he waved a hand at Eren in a beckoning motion. “Come here, Eren. I love you.”

Farlan’s chest burst from the inside from the overwhelming sensation he succumbed to after proclaiming his own feelings. And the same did happen to Eren but on the outside. His face beamed a thousand sparkles, smiling briskly as he sprinted toward him, tackling him back ontop of the sofa, giggling and attacking him with a feisty kiss in a straddling sitting position. Their lips didn't let go from each other so soon, drinking in everything they could get from the other while infinite affection endeavoured them.

Minutes later, they were cuddled together, legs threaded, the playing movie forgotten, pizza would still be edible the next day anyway, and all they cared about was the other being right next to them.

Little intoxicating glances, short talks about random things and yet it was about everything they thought needed to be said, just for the sake of listening to the other’s voice, and after one or two hours (time had become unimportant to them) they fell asleep.

Their love was ethereal.

~~~

Around the same time as Eren’s and Farlan’s bonding moment, at another place a clueless raven man was living his life as ever. What happened next wasn't expected of him. Not today. And not on any other day. He had never experienced something like that. Something this painful.

It was closing time when Levi stood behind the counter and put back tea cans to their respective places, sorting them. All of his customers had already gone and it didn't seem like anyone would visit him anytime later today. Levi had called it a day.

As he was arranging the last few things, it was then that it hit him hard.

From one second to the other his head buzzed achingfully, as if it was suffering from an electric shock. The happiness of two certain people was Levi’s pain. Just the same as with things being held together by threads, Levi’s threads piped sorrow to his head, making its long way from Eren and Farlan only to inflict him with miseric agonizing pain that he couldn't explain to himself because it happened to him all of a sudden and never ever had it been this painful for him.

“No. Why? Why, why, why?” Levi took his head in his hands, shaking it frantically as he walked backwards until his back hit the shelf, causing jingles of various items to sound off. “Stop...”

He slid down to the floor, wailing and whining, the anxiety level rising in his blood. He started to shake horribly, uncontrollable, and was captivated within his own suffering that he couldn't escape from.

Flashbacks to his life as a soldier were recalled; memories of fights and blood, war and death, images of dead people—half eaten and scarcely recognizable. But this seemed to only be the beginning of everything.

Because when the cruel pictures finished flashing through his madly pulsing head, Levi was struck by memories that hurt him, reached the deepest of his heart and wrecked him, more than any atrocious image could affect him.

 _‘You might be a crude person, prone to be disliked by most people.’_ Farlan’s voice echoed in the blackness of Levi’s mind. _‘But that doesn't matter, you know. All I’m asking you is to remember that I’ll always love you—no matter what happens to us.’_

“No…” Levi whined, and was close to sobbing.

Then Farlan’s imminent death appeared in his head again and Levi felt everything explode in his guts, coming out in form of wetness in his eyes.

Farlan’s injured body. Held in those claws of that gross Titan. Farlan’s faint smile. His goodbye wave.

“No!”

Dead.

Levi’s fingers dug into his temples and he pressed his head hard against his knees, believing as though he had travelled back in time and was feeling the same as back then when he had witnessed Farlan’s death.

He whimpered pitifully. Whimpered and mewled. Trembled and panicked.

His memories weren't done with him yet, though.

 _‘We are actually much more similar than one might think at first.’_ Eren. The tired but genuine upcurve of his lips when he had said that to Levi. _‘I’m so happy to know that I’ve fallen for someone who I share the same dreadful experiences with. It relieves me. Because I know that we can comfort each other in bad times. Right, Levi? We, together, loving each other, fighting alongside, is what keeps us alive and human.’_

“Please… don’t…” Levi didn’t want to remember it—not when it would be so vividly! He begged; he begged to God and whatever mighty entity would hear him, begged to spare him from this suffering. He could guess what would come next and he didn't want to see it at all. He didn't want to _feel_ it.

Eren’s blood-smeared body. His eyes dull and lifeless. Arms limb – just like the rest of his body – stretched toward Levi. A Titan right behind him. Levi could have done more than watching Eren being picked up by that monster. He could have at least delay Eren’s time of death, regardless of how less the time difference would have been. But in the end he had failed. Failed as a soldier and a lover. He lost another person who had been important to him and all he could do was watch him get eaten. Every bone in his body ached and blood was gushing out of him like a waterfall. Levi’s eyes were able to follow Eren’s body until it was out of sight, nearing the Titan’s mouth fast. Levi’s peripheral vision started to blacken and his other four senses gave up on him gradually too. Though Levi did register Eren’s death.

_Snap!_

Dead.

“Stop!” Now tears were flowing in heavy loads down Levi’s face, thick streams blotting his cheeks, and choked sobs were pushed out. His first life had forced itself upon him the most brutally for the very first time and stayed as a condemning curse, robbing Levi of his pride and sanity.

He didn't know why this was happening to him, but really fast did he agree on the silent wish that he would do literally everything to make it stop.

His head craned back, the sobs rising from his coarse throat—a torture. He wrung his fingers around his arms and cried.

Nothing of this would happen if only Farlan and Eren were alive and living together with him!

“Levi?!”

Levi’s whole being froze for a moment as his eyes unleashed open, horrified grey orbs gaping at eyes of the second voice that had thrust into his anguish. His breath went quick and shallow and ragged.

“Mom?”

Kuchel’s face filled with fear, painted with worry, fixated on Levi. Her son who was crouched down on the floor, sobbing and shivering; frightened.

“Levi, what’s wrong!” She didn't waste a second and rounded the counter, was by Levi’s side as fast as possible. While Levi had mindlessly followed her moves, he didn't stop crying, breaking down when his mom had draped her arms around him, taking him in her arms protectively. She whispered little calming words and rocked Levi in her arms, stroking his hair. “It’s okay. It’s okay, Levi. I’m here now. You aren't alone anymore.”

Oh, how much Levi wished that loneliness would be his biggest problem.

Half an hour later Levi’s crying had ebbed away and he was sat on one of the tables, Kuchel’s coat planed over his currently frail looking torso, while his mother brewed a cup of tea for him. Levi looked like a lost stray cat; body hunched, hair disheveled, small, weak and hopeless.

“Where is the woman who works part time for you? Has she gone home earlier?” Kuchel tried to small talk a bit before they’d have to pick up the obvious. Levi should feel safe as much as possible first, so she thought.

Levi’s hoarse voice cracked midway, but finished to the end. “It was her day off today.”

_Thanks God._

Kuchel appeared at Levi’s table now, putting down a filled cup in front of him before she made her way to the opposite side of the table and sat down herself. “You should drink something.” Silence. Kuchel sighed lightly, a weak smile attached to her lips, and she placed the tray she had carried the tea on on the wooden surface. “I know you are an expert in this, but I think I made my tea quite well. Well enough for you to have a taste of it.” she tried, and looked into an expressionless face.

Levi had his head lowered to the cup, empty eyes gazing at the porcelain, utter muteness revolving around him.

Kuchel watched her son first, looked down at her sleeves then, picked at the hem of one of them, breathed out deeply, leaned forward with her upper body as her arms crossed on the table and she propped herself up on them, and said with a calm tone, “How are you feeling right now?”

Levi didn't know if he should have huffed, scoffed, laughed or do all three together. The muteness dispensed from him. “Can’t you see?” he said bitterly, “I’m not shaking anymore. I’m not crying anymore. Everything all right. You can go now.”

She knew that the last two statements were an obvious lie—one of Levi’s sarcastic remarks.

What she wanted – _needed_ – to ask next cost her a thousand efforts. She hesitated, eyed her son warily. “Levi, please tell me. Just now, why did you have that…” Her eyebrows crunched with uncertainty, “Where did that panic attack come from?” Kuchel squirmed inwardly. That word ‘panic attack’ left an awful aftertaste on her tongue. Anxiety attack didn't sound any better.

Levi leered at her mutely, switching his gaze back to the cup of tea in front of him. The tea’s still surface pictured a neat mirror image of himself and Levi knew that he wouldn't drink from that cup – not even a sip –, nor would he bother touching it with his fingers.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you.”

Kuchel halted. Blinked at Levi’s assertion. That he had blankly uttered something like this aroused an urge for revelation and they couldn't go back with this conversation anymore.

“You can’t tell as long as you don't tell me.”

“You would think I’m crazy.”

“No, Levi, I wouldn't.”

“Insane. A case for mental hospitals—”

“Stop it, you’re talking nonsense.”

“Because I’m different from the others! But you know what?! I didn't ask for this! It’s not my fault that I am this way, I just wanted to and still want to live a peaceful life and not think about what I don't have and can never have because they are forever part of the past and it would always stay like that!”

“Levi!” Kuchel stood up, hands slammed flatly the table. She halted in her position for a single second, walked over to Levi then, sitting down right next to him. Levi alternated between looking at her and staring away, slightly irritated. Kuchel took a deep breath to settle down, one hand grabbing Levi’s, fingers weaved together as her thumb circled the back of his hand. Her other palm covered the side. With stern flashing up grey pupils, her gaze was focused on Levi’s face, attempting at best not to sound or act reproachful. Levi didn't meet her stare at all at the moment, frowning. Kuchel opened her mouth. “If I didn't believe you, then you who would?”

Not answering had been his actual plan, but he couldn’t stick to that when the answer was so clear to him. Two pair of grey eyes glared at each other, a feudalic staring contest. “No one.” _That’s why I didn't tell anybody._ “And no one knows.”

Kuchel faltered, sadness featuring her facial expression. Her grip around Levi’s hands loosened as well. The sternness and confidence in her voice was gone. “I am your mother. You are my son—my own flesh and blood. If there’s anyone who can understand and help you beside yourself, then it’s me. You can tell me everything, no matter how weird or unbelievable it sounds what you have to tell. I won’t judge you if it’s unjustified. I know that the one who had to go through the worst was you just now… But do you know how awful it feels when a mother sees her own son shattering into a crying mess? I was horrified because I didn't know what to do to help you. I couldn’t understand what you were going through during that time. And I still don’t know.”

Levi could see the whiteness of her eyes becoming glassy wet, and her desperate, pleading look didn't leave him unmoved. But…

Even his own mother wouldn't understand, right?

“Levi Ackerman, former thug from the underground world.” he began monotonously, as though he was nonchalantly dictating a text he was supposed to read out loud. He stared emptily into his mother’s face, witnessing it displaying all sorts of emotions at once. A mess. “Captain of the Survey Corps and Special Operation Squad. Lived during an era where _Titans_ ruled the world.”

He told her. Told her everything about his self and his previous life. His memories that lived in his head, co-existing. Kuchel listened, silent until the end, mostly motionless as Levi rendered a story so unique it seemed like a story. And yet, it was real for her. All the minute details, the vivid description, the lack of stuttering and faltering in Levi’s voice as he delivered what he knew; astonishment settled in Kuchel and by the end she was flabbergasted on many ways.

A silence of two or three minutes expanded between them after Levi had finished. He couldn't word how exactly he was feeling now that he had entrusted, not only a random person but his mother, a story – a part of himself – that defined him, although that part belonged to a time that had existed several hundreds of years ago.

“So… wait…” Kuchel put her face in her palms, breathing in and out deeply. After that, her gaze was directed at Levi again and she observed him longly. Levi didn't express any emotions—no calmness, no easiness, no stress, no guilt. All that was left to her was to talk straightforwardly with him, without any deviations or sugar-coating or distracting mentions. “Does that mean you were reborn?”

“Yes. Actually, you too. And Kenny too. But somehow you two don’t carry along memories of your previous lives. But that's okay. It’s better if you don’t know about it, there’s no need for you to know about the hardships you had to undergo when you were living in the underground world.”

There was a little moment where Kuchel was keen to find out about her old life more – since Levi had mentioned it like this – but she recollected herself quickly. This wasn't the right time to ask further about her own life. A slim, pale hand of hers stroked down her raven hair.

“This is a really big revelation to me. Did you… Did you always have those memories? All along? Your whole life?”

“They appeared for the first time when I was 20.”

Kuchel clasped her mouth with a hand. “You kept them to yourself for so long?”

“I have learnt how to deal with them. Well…” His eyes wandered off to the side, “at least most of the time.”

Kuchel’s face wandered to the surface of the table again and she folded them. “In no way am I trying to reproach you right now. But… you could have told me earlier. You could have told me right from the beginning and I would have helped you in every way possible and necessary.”

“It’s not like those horrible memories rob me of my sleep because they’re so cruel and disturbing with all the war and deaths I had to experience.” Levi rubbed one of his eyes. He was exhausted—in more than one way. “I think I could have lived a normal life. Because nothing of the things that happened to me in my first life repeated itself in my second one. There aren't Titans anymore. There’s no war, I’m not in military. In this life, I was given the chance to catch up on everything that I couldn't do in my other life. I was free to myself, so to speak. I could have lived decently because the memories and my current situation were two totally different things and could be distinguished. They have nothing in common. I could have borne it... if it wasn't for those two…” And that was when Levi broke off, the words clung to his throat. He bit his bottom lip hard, face distorting, one palm covering his eyes.

Kuchel understood. “Farlan… and Eren… were their names, right?”

Levi nodded faintly. “They seem to hinder me from living without any problems. It’s as though I am reminded over and over again and over again that they shouldn't have died like that. Their deaths were too early. And I know that! But I can't change that anymore. They’re dead, and I am alive—a second time.”

“Have you thought of the possibility that they might have been reincarnated too? Just like you.”

He shook his head in disagreement. “It’s very unlikely that one of them lives in this world around the same time as me, even if he was reborn. And _both of them_ living around the same time as me is close to impossible.”

 _That sounds reasonable._ Kuchel wanted to say, but she found it better if some things weren’t uttered out loud.

She opted for a slightly other direction. “Have you, um, tried to fall in love with someone else? You know, finding someone who would become your significant other in your second life. Just to make it clear, I wouldn't dislike it if it was a man you’d fall for.”

“Mom, I’m not gay. I love Eren and Farlan. _Only them_.”

Kuchel nodded once, slowly. “Okay, I see.”

“I’ve tried something like that,” he went on airily, “I’ve tried to go close to creating a with some while I was in university. But it didn't work out at all. My feelings were always a mess and hurting me whenever I tried. After a while, I just couldn't do it anymore. What sense did it have when I was hurting myself?”

“I understand. Don’t force yourself to it.”

“I know you were just curious to know.”

Kuchel managed a tiny hint of a smile, but it dropped right immediately. “You’re really missing them.”

“My heart aches for them.”

 _What now?_ She asked herself because Levi had it obviously difficult. She needed to figure out how to support him the best way possible. “How many times did you have attacks like the one from before? Do they appear on a regular basis?”

“Oh, about that,” Levi scudded a hand through his undercut. “It hasn’t happened to me as forceful and painful as this. Apart from when I got my memories the first time, usually the worst would be a headache and a constant reminder of Eren and Farlan for a few hours.”

Honestly, the way Levi told her didn't ease Kuchel at all.

“Don’t worry.” Levi picked up the cup that had been abandoned in front of him the whole time up until now. His fingertips gripped the rim of the cup in that unique way he held cups and while he was aware of the tea being cold and unenjoyable he took a sip nevertheless. One side of his mouth edged up faintly. “I don't think it’ll happen again. I’m sure it was a one-time exception.”

Levi could already tell that he and his mother would have several more talks about this. But as long as he would always remember that one thing regarding his situation, there was no reason for hopelessness or despair. Levi wasn't desperate. After all...

He had to live with it.

**Author's Note:**

> Next part is about Levi and EreFar (my sin) ლ(◉ω◉✿ლ)


End file.
